Sarah Versus Her Conscience Versus Trust
by You-won't-see-an-iguana-here
Summary: Episode 1.02, Chuck Versus the Helicopter. After Chuck flies the helicopter, and lands it safely, Sarah yells at Chuck. But why? And how does that make her feel? Sarah's reaction to her initial reaction. Sorry, bad summary. Rated T for swearing.


_ What the __**hell**__ was he thinking? Compromising his cover, getting out of the car, breaking our trust?_ Sarah thought to herself slamming the door to her Porsche Boxster, speeding away from the Port of Los Angeles_. I told him to trust me, not to believe me._

Sarah sped down the freeway, back towards Burbank, where she was currently living. This was all Bryce and Casey's fault; if Bryce hadn't gone rogue, she and Bryce would still be together, happily. If Bryce hadn't gone rogue, Casey wouldn't have been sent to do what he does best. If Bryce hadn't gone rogue, Chuck wouldn't be in this situation, nor would she and Casey. If Bryce hadn't gone rogue, he wouldn't be dead. Sarah had trust issues with Casey more so than she would any other agent. Casey, though he was doing his job, still killed Bryce. And Sarah had real feelings for Bryce; forbidden in her profession, but they were there.

Sarah's thoughts were still raging around in her brain as she pulled into her designated parking space at her apartment complex. Casey and Chuck drove back to their apartments in the Nerd Herder; Casey driving since Chuck's adrenaline rush was going to crash soon, and it wouldn't be wise to have him drive, just to kill himself in a car accident. Sarah was feeling an emotion she wasn't used to feeling on missions, or just in general: guilt. Chuck wasn't asked to do this, he wasn't given the choice, this was all thrust upon him: the weight of the nation, his duty to his country. Betraying his family and friends, never getting that promotion he wants, realistically he'd be absent too much to make it work.

Casey was telling Chuck that she was a double agent; Sarah was telling Chuck that Casey was a double agent. _God, he must hate me now. _Sarah thought. _Here I am yelling at Chuck for not trusting me, when I don't even trust Casey and I just barely trust Chuck. It must be worse for Chuck, trusting people. I may not know Chuck well, but he has a history that I've learned and memorized in the briefing of the mission. Especially with all the evidence provided which caused Casey and me to point fingers at each other, and get Chuck confused in who to trust on this. Stupid Intersect, he just wanted the damn thing out of his brain, so he could go back to living a normal life. The stupid intersect showed him what happened with the French assassins. God, I'm such a hypocrite. There was a shit-load more evidence against me than Casey, no wonder Chuck was siding with Casey on this one._

Sarah's thoughts continued like this for most of the evening. She tried to rest her body and her mind, but her thoughts battering her brain prevented her from this luxury. Guilt was still a very prominent emotion, and Sarah was not enjoying the feeling of it.

Sarah had come to the conclusion that she had to apologize to Chuck, because out of hurt and anger and frustration she had yelled at Chuck, taking her emotions and worry out on him. It was unfair. Sarah had never reacted to a successful mission gone wrong before. Why was she reacting so strongly? Why did she care so much about this? Was it because Chuck was friends with Bryce? Was it because she knew she needed Chuck's trust in order for successful missions? Was she going soft? Her Shift at Wienerlicious started at nine o'clock AM, but Chuck's job started at seven o'clock AM. Should she head in early to apologize, or wait till the end of the day, or lunch break? Sarah's question lulled her to sleep at four o'clock AM.

* * *

Okay, so I hope you like the first chapter of this. Just watched (again) 'Chuck Versus the Helicopter', and this idea kept floating around in my head.

All rights to NBC, Josh Schwartz and Chris Fedak, College Hill Pictures, Wonderland Sound and Vision, and Warner Bros

I hope you like it,  
Iguana


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